Abandonment Schema

Do You Worry That People Will Leave You?

The Abandonment Schema is the belief that the people you depend on for love, support, connection, or protection will eventually leave. This can create a persistent fear of rejection, loneliness, and emotional loss, even when there is little evidence that a relationship is actually at risk.

People with an Abandonment Schema often find themselves constantly scanning for signs of rejection, needing reassurance from others, struggling with separation, or pulling away from relationships before they can be hurt. While these behaviours are designed to protect against future pain, they often end up reinforcing the very fears they are trying to avoid.

This practical Schema Therapy worksheet helps you identify when your Abandonment Schema is active, understand how it influences your relationships, and develop Healthy Adult strategies for building greater security, connection, and trust.

THIS HANDOUT IS INCLUDED IN THE SCHEMA THERAPY COMPLETE SET OF WORKSHEETS.

In This Resource

✔ Understand the origins of the Abandonment Schema
✔ Learn how fears of rejection influence thoughts, feelings, and behaviours
✔ Explore common coping styles including avoidance, reassurance-seeking, and relationship self-sabotage
✔ Identify the attachment needs underlying the schema
✔ Develop Healthy Adult responses to challenge abandonment beliefs
✔ Complete a guided worksheet for schema awareness and schema management

Common Signs of the Abandonment Schema

• Fear of being left, rejected, or forgotten
• Difficulty tolerating distance in relationships
• Frequent reassurance-seeking
• Anxiety when relationships change
• Ending relationships prematurely to avoid being hurt
• Staying in unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone

Perfect For

• Schema Therapy clients
• Relationship and attachment difficulties
• Anxiety about rejection or abandonment
• Trauma and childhood adversity recovery
• Counselling and psychotherapy clients
• Mental health clinicians seeking psychoeducational resources

Understanding the Abandonment Schema is often the first step towards developing more secure relationships. This worksheet helps you recognise old patterns, identify unmet attachment needs, and learn healthier ways of creating connection and emotional safety.

Format: Digital PDF Download
Created By: Jessica O'Garr (Clinical Psychologist) & Dr Al Griskaitis (Psychiatrist)